The Forest And The Trees

The Forest and The Trees
Written by Patrick May and Ron Hooker, Jr.
Story by Ron Hooker, Jr.
Copyright 2008

FADE IN:
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
ARNOLD GREENSBURG, a twenty-something African-American man dressed in a power suit complete with a matching briefcase, bursts angrily through the front doors of the office building. He rips viciously at his tie to loosen it before turning back towards the building, shaking his fist.

ARNOLD
That’s not the last you’ll hear of me! That’s for sure! Not by a longshot.

He turns back and stomps away from the door. He grabs his tie again and wrestles with it, trying to get the knot undone. After a few seconds of unsuccessful fighting, he turns back toward the building.

ARNOLD (CONT'D)
This will not stand! Do you hear me? This, will, not, stand!

A PASSERBY dressed in a big puffy vest with matching Crocs shoes takes interest in the conversation Arnold is having with the building, cocking his head as if waiting for the building to answer.

ARNOLD (CONT'D)
You think you can stop me? You can’t! No way! No, way!

The passerby pulls a sandwich out of his vest and takes a bite. This is unplanned lunchtime entertainment for him.

ARNOLD (CONT'D)
They couldn’t stop me in school. They couldn’t stop me in my internship, and you damn well won’t stop me here! Do you hear?! Arnold Greensburg will not allow that to happen!

The passerby stops before taking another bit of his sandwich.

PASSERBY
Who’s Arnold Greensburg?

Arnold hears him.

ARNOLD
Who’s Arnold Greensburg? I’m Arnold Greensburg, that’s who.

Arnold turns back to the building.

ARNOLD (CONT'D)
And I won’t stand for it! Never have, never will!

PASSERBY
Your name is Arnold Greensburg?

ARNOLD
Yeah. You got a problem with that?

PASSERBY
No, it’s just your name. It doesn’t really . . . fit.

ARNOLD
What, a black man can’t be named Arnold?

PASSERBY
No, it’s just--

ARNOLD
You’ve never seen Diff’rent Strokes? You don’t think Gary Coleman deserved to be called Arnold? Let me tell you something, I have earned every letter of my name.

PASSERBY
It’s not Arnold. It’s Greensburg. It sounds very . . .

ARNOLD
What? Jewish?

PASSERBY
Yeah. Jewish.

ARNOLD
Oh, so you think just because I’m a black man I can’t be one of the chosen people?

PASSERBY
No, I--

ARNOLD
You think that just because I’m named after one of the characters in Diff’rent Strokes that I can’t celebrate Hanukkah? You think I don’t know the words to Dreidel and won’t spin one of those right in your face? I got 12 of those things a year for 10 years. You think I can’t spin one of those just because I’m a black man?

PASSERBY
No, I just thought--

ARNOLD
Thought what?

The passerby takes another bite of his sandwich. He gestures to the building.

PASSERBY
What did they do to you in there?

Arnold turns to the building, snarls at it then stomps away from the building and the passerby.

ARNOLD
What did they do? It’s not what they did, it’s what they didn’t do!

The passerby watches Arnold walk off. He stands for a couple of seconds, looking for new entertainment. Seeing none, he takes another bite of his sandwich and walks off.

INT. CAR - SAME
Arnold stomps to the car, flings the door open and hucks his briefcase into the back seat. He sits down heavily in the driver’s seat, puts a Bluetooth earpiece in his right ear, dials his phone, starts the car and pulls away aggressively.

ARNOLD(into the phone headset)
Hey, what are you doing? Meet me at the range, I need to vent.

EXT. DRIVING RANGE - AFTERNOON
Arnold has taken off his suit jacket and tie and has his sleeves rolled up. He is now wearing golf shoes. He lines up over a ball and belts it 300 yards down the driving range with perfect form. He doesn’t even take the time to admire his shot before teeing another ball up.

His friend WOODY, a white twenty-something walks up with his clubs slung across his back, admiring Arnold’s last shot.

WOODY
Nice shot.

ARNOLD
What? Oh. Yeah.

Arnold belts another 300 yard drive and tees up another ball without looking at it.

WOODY
So what’s going on? You okay?

Arnold pulls away from the ball and waggles the club menacingly in Woody’s face.

ARNOLD
You know what gets me? They won’t even give a guy a chance, you know. They won’t even give me a chance.

Arnold slams the club to the ground and rips at his throat as if trying to untie a tie.

WOODY
Dude, calm down, you’re not wearing a tie.

Woody picks up Arnold’s driver and hands it to him.

WOODY (CONT'D)
Here, take your club back. What happened?

Arnold snatches the club from Woody, walks over to his ball and rips another 300-yarder down the range.

ARNOLD
They wouldn’t even give me a chance. Said I didn’t have enough experience. How the hell am I supposed to get experience if they won’t hire me?

WOODY
I don’t know dude.

ARNOLD
I managed a restaurant for 2 years, you know? It’s not like I have no experience at EVERYTHING. Nobody can change a tire like I can. I know how to make an Excel spreadsheet. I can juggle. Have you ever played Cranium with me?

WOODY
Several times.

ARNOLD
Several times, you’re right. And you know what?

Arnold rips another long drive straight down the range.

ARNOLD (CONT'D)
I RULE at Cranium! I kick ass at that game.

WOODY
Yeah you do.

ARNOLD
But did I rule the first time I played it? No. It took practice, experience. Did I open up the game to play it the first time and see a sign in the box that said “You can’t play this game if you haven’t played before?”

WOODY
I don’t think so.

ARNOLD
No! Hell no! What kind of business sense would that make? I learned that game as I went along, just like everyone else. No one told me I couldn’t play because I didn’t have experience playing it.

Arnold slams his driver into the bag and grabs a pitching wedge. He slaps a shot right at the 125-yard flag, the ball bounces once and hits the flag on the range.

WOODY
Yeah dude, how does anyone get experience doing anything?

ARNOLD
Exactly! That’s exactly what I told them. But they wouldn’t listen to me. Idiots. Bunch of stupid dumb idiot jackasses.

Arnold hits another ball that hits the flag on the fly.

WOODY
Hey, you want me to see if we can get on the course and play a round? Get your mind off your worries.

ARNOLD
Sure, it’s not like I have a job to go to instead.

Woody walks toward the clubhouse. Arnold continues to hit shot after shot at the flag. The voice of the STARTER comes over the loudspeaker.

STARTER
Greensburg two to the first tee.

ARNOLD
Sweet, he got us on.

CUT TO:
EXT. GOLF COURSE TEE BOX - AFTERNOON
Arnold rails a drive long and straight down the fairway. Woody chunks his shot and the divot goes further than the ball.

WOODY
Man, I wish I could hit like you do.

ARNOLD
Just practice, man. Practice. Experience. Just gotta get your foot in the door and go from there. That’s all.

EXT. GOLF COURSE GREEN - AFTERNOON
Arnold drains a putt from 30 feet.

WOODY
Nice birdie.

Arnold pays no attention.

ARNOLD
All I need is a shot, you know. Just one shot and I will make the most of it. The thing is, I can learn on the job, just like everyone does . . .

EXT. GOLF COURSE BUNKER - AFTERNOON
Arnold hits a shot out of the greenside bunker that ends up less than a foot from the hole.

ARNOLD
I mean, who doesn’t want the opportunity to learn something new. Have I ever told you now long it took me to learn to tie a tie?

WOODY
Nice shot, dude.

ARNOLD
Like three tries. And I’m talking Windsor AND Half Windsor knots. Three tries. For both of them. I don’t play when it comes to stuff like that. You know what else--

CUT TO:EXT. GOLF COURSE VARIOUS - AFTERNOON
Arnold makes several great golf shots, all in between times of animatedly talking to Woody.

EXT. GOLF COURSE PAR 3 OVER WATER - AFTERNOON
Arnold hits his shot within 6 feet of the pin.

ARNOLD
Maybe sometime you can come over to my place and I will bake you up a stromboli. You think I got that one on the first try?

WOODY
Yep.

Woody hits his tee shot into the water. He walks dejectedly back to the cart with Arnold.

ARNOLD
You’re damn right I got that on the first try. One try, one stromboli. That’s how I do it. No experience necessary. None. That’s not to say my second stromboli wasn’t even better than the first, because it was, but my first one was still tasty as a motha’, you know?

WOODY
I know.

They put their clubs in their bags and Woody drives toward the green.

ARNOLD
Yeah, you know. I know you know. And my third one was EVEN BETTER. Just kept getting better and better the more I made. Soon, I didn’t even want to make strombolis anymore because I was just too tired of the deliciousness involved. So I switched to making Navajo tacos.

WOODY
Navajo tacos? Really?

Woody parks the cart next to the green. Arnold grabs his putter, Woody grabs his putter, his pitching wedge and another ball.

ARNOLD
You’re damn right, Navajo tacos. How many tries you think that one took?

WOODY
One?

Woody drops his ball in the drop zone and lines up over it.

ARNOLD
Two. I burned the shit out of the first ones. Never worked with hot grease like that before. But the second batch was good as hell. I’ll make you some sometime.

WOODY
Sounds good.

Woody chunks a shot that barely makes it to the green. He tosses his club and grabs his putter.

ARNOLD
Good? C’est magnifique, you know what I’m saying.

WOODY
What was that, French?

ARNOLD
Yeah that was French. Guess how many French classes I’ve taken?

WOODY
Two?

Arnold reads his line and lines up over his putt. Woody takes two strokes to drain his putt.

ARNOLD
None! I learned that from watching a Disney movie when I was like seven years old. I learned French from a cartoon and they’re saying I’m not good enough to run their stupid bowling alley because I don’t have EXPERIENCE. Seriously, I hate them. Hate, hate, hate them.

Arnold drains his putt, walks off the green with Woody and gets in the cart. Woody drives to the parking lot.

ARNOLD (CONT'D)
What hole are we on?

WOODY
We’re done. That was 18.

ARNOLD
18? Really? It didn’t feel like it.

WOODY
Yeah, I was hoping it would get your mind off the job interview. All it turned out to do was keep your mind off the game.

ARNOLD
How’d you do? What’d you shoot?

WOODY
98.

ARNOLD
98, nice. Good round Woody. You’re totally getting better. What did I shoot today?

WOODY
64. Two off your best here and only 3 off the course record.

ARNOLD
Really? Damn. Shoulda paid more attention, I guess.

WOODY
Might have helped.

Woody pulls up to Arnold’s car and they both get out and start putting their clubs away in their cars.

ARNOLD
Well, thanks for letting me vent to you today buddy. I appreciate it.

WOODY
No problem, dude. Someday you’ll figure out your calling. There’s a great career out there somewhere for you.

ARNOLD
Man I hope so. I just wish I knew where to look, you know?

WOODY
You’ll find it. Keep your chin up.

ARNOLD
Later bro. I’m going home to check the job boards.

They shake hands, get in their cars and drive away.

THE END