Scorpion--A Short Screenplay

FADE IN:
EXT. BACKYARD - NIGHT
KEITH and BRAD, two college students, sit on a bench with their backs to the wall next to the BBQ grill. ROGER, also a college student, sits on a lawn chair facing Keith and Brad. All three of them hold beers and sip them.

KEITH
Man, did you see that game last night?

BRAD
Oh yeah. Great fourth quarter. That was such a good ending.

KEITH
Yeah, when he rolled out on fourth and seventeen from his own 8 yard line . . . man, what a pass.

BRAD
Best pass I’ve ever seen him make. Threaded the needle, double coverage--

Brad and Keith both look in puzzlement at Roger, who stares at the wall behind them with a look of sheer terror on his face.

BRAD (CONT'D)
Roger, are you okay?

Roger maintains the look of terror on his face.

ROGER
I’m fine. Why do you ask?

BRAD
Well, the look on your face.

ROGER
What look on my face?

KEITH
The look on your face right now.

Roger’s look of terror disappears.

ROGER
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

KEITH
It’s gone now. You look normal now.

ROGER
Um, guys, I think I always look normal. Obviously. I only have one face.

KEITH
Dude, you had a stupid look on your face.

ROGER
Are you saying I look stupid?

KEITH
Not now.

BRAD
But you did.

Roger shrugs his shoulders and leans back in his chair.

ROGER
You guys are crazy. Imagining things.

Brad and Keith look at each other and decide it’s not worth fighting about.

BRAD
So anyway, he scrambles around, throws into double coverage. Bam! Fires the ball right in there for a first down. Awesome. Awesome play.

KEITH
Yeah, did you see how he looked off the safety before he--

Roger has the terrified look on his face again as he stares at the wall behind Keith and Brad.

KEITH (CONT'D)
Roger, what is going on?

ROGER
Nothing.

KEITH
You’re doing it again.

ROGER
No I’m not.

BRAD
Yeah, you are.

Brad takes out his camera phone, snaps a picture of Roger’s face and shows him.

BRAD (CONT'D)
See. What the hell?

Roger’s look of terror goes away while he looks at the picture. It comes back as soon as he lifts his head and looks at the wall behind Brad and Keith.

ROGER
That’s not me.

BRAD
Dude, I just took your picture.

ROGER
That’s not me. I don’t know how you did that. Is that some new iPhone app?

BRAD
I just took your picture and showed it to you. How the hell would I fake that?

ROGER
You’re a smart guy, you tell me.

Brad puts his phone back in his pocket.

KEITH
Roger, what’s going on? Is there something going on behind us?

ROGER
No. Maybe.

Keith and Brad turn around and see a giant scorpion on the wall between their heads. They both freak out and run behind Roger.

KEITH
Dude! Why didn’t you tell us there was a giant fucking scorpion on the wall?

ROGER
I wasn’t sure what it was.

KEITH
It’s a fucking scorpion! A six-year-old could have identified that!

BRAD
Stevie Wonder could have identified that!

ROGER
Are you sure it’s a scorpion?

KEITH
I’ll tell you after I kill it.

Keith takes off his shoe and makes to kill the scorpion with it.

ROGER
No wait! Don’t kill it!

Keith hesitates and doesn’t kill the scorpion.

BRAD
Why not?

ROGER
Scorpions eat bugs.

BRAD
They’re poisonous. If it bites me I could die.

ROGER
Scorpions don’t bite. They sting.

BRAD
Fine, it could sting me and I could die.

ROGER
Would that really be so bad?

BRAD
Get that fucking look off your face!

ROGER
I still don’t know what you’re talking about.

Brad takes his phone out, snaps another picture of Roger and shows him the face.

BRAD
That’s what I’m talking about.

ROGER
Dude, that’s weird. That guy is wearing the same clothes as me, but that’s not my face. Those guys at Apple are geniuses.

BRAD
Dude--

KEITH
Roger, seriously, I’m going to kill that scorpion.

ROGER
Don’t kill it. Look, I’ll warn you if it comes close to you, okay?

KEITH
Why don’t we just kill it and not worry about it?

ROGER
Because he’s just living his life. He’s not bothering anyone. How would you like it if you were walking down the street one day, enjoying the scenery, and someone smashed you into a greasy spot on the sidewalk because you had a knife in your pocket and you “might” stab someone with it?

Keith and Brad think about this.

KEITH
Okay, okay. I won’t kill it.

BRAD
But if it gets close to me you’d better warn me. I don’t want to get stung.

ROGER
Don’t worry guys, I will totally warn you.

BRAD
Alright. I’m going to trust you.

KEITH
Me too.

ROGER
Good. Now, have a seat and tell me more about the game last night.

Brad and Keith sit back down cautiously. They both look over their shoulders at the scorpion on the wall.

ROGER (CONT'D)
Don’t even worry about him. He hasn’t moved in like five minutes. He’s probably asleep.

KEITH
Okay, so, the receiver runs this great double move on the corner, the quarterback looks off the safety, pumps the ball once to freeze the linebackers . . .

Roger’s face slowly goes from normal to the extreme look of terror as the story progresses.

KEITH (CONT'D)
. . . and WHAM! Fires the ball into the receiver, 25 yards on a rope.

ROGER
Uh huh. Uh huh. Sounds like a great play.

Brad meets Roger’s eyes and follows his gaze to the wall. The scorpion is gone. Brad jumps up quickly.

BRAD
What the fuck dude? Where is he?

Keith turns and sees that the scorpion is gone. He jumps up too.

KEITH
Shit! He’s gone.

ROGER
What are you guys talking about?

KEITH
The scorpion man, where is the scorpion?!

ROGER
The what?

BRAD
That big ass scorpion that was on the wall. Where did it go?

ROGER
Oh, that thing. Yeah. It’s on your back.

BRAD
What?!

Brad dances around the yard in an attempt to look at his own back.

BRAD (CONT'D)
Get it off me! Get it off! Get it off!

Keith runs over to Brad and swipes at his back.

KEITH
There’s nothing on his back.

ROGER
Maybe he’s on yours then. I wasn’t really paying attention.

KEITH
What?! Get it off!

Keith turns and does the same “look at my own back” dance that Brad did.

KEITH (CONT'D)
Is it on me? Is it? Get it off! Please!

Brad swipes at Keith’s back. They take turns swiping at each other’s back. Finally Brad sees the scorpion on the ground and stomps on it.

BRAD
I got it, I got it. No more scorpion.

KEITH
Hell yeah. The great white hunter strikes again.

Keith looks down at the carcass of the scorpion and leans low to talk to it.

KEITH (CONT'D)
How do you like that, bitch!

Keith jumps up and high-fives Brad. They sit down with a look of smug satisfaction on their faces.

BRAD
Looks like I showed that scorpion a thing or two. That’ll teach him to come into my world.

Roger sits, stone faced.

ROGER
That was rude, man. Totally uncalled for.

BRAD
He was on my fucking back. What do you expect?

ROGER
I expect you to treat your fellow earth inhabitants with a little more respect and decorum.

KEITH
Dude, it was crawling all over us. It had to be done.

Stony silence from Roger.

KEITH (CONT'D)
Whatever dude. You’d have done the same if it was crawling on you.

No reaction from Roger. Brad and Keith sit back down on the bench.

BRAD
Anyway, so back to the game. He fires the ball into a spot about the size of a basketball from 25 yards out. It was an unbelievable throw. Just absolutely unbelievable.

Roger looks back at the wall and gets the look of terror on his face again. There is a puppy on the wall where the scorpion used to be.

ROGER(through teeth gritted in fear)
Nobody move. There is something on the wall behind you.

Brad and Keith make a move to turn and look.

ROGER (CONT'D)
Don’t turn around! Don’t look at it. Don’t let it know you are there. I’ll handle this.

Roger pulls a huge clown shoe out from under his chair, lets out at primal SCREAM and leads with the shoe in a dive at the wall between Brad and Keith.

CUT TO BLACK

THE END